1. It is not a matter of whether or not people can change, but under what conditions do they change. Be mindful of how you contribute to the atmosphere of your relationship.
2. As much as the problems and tensions in your relationship are uncomfortable and difficult, they are also opportunities for growth and learning.
3. Practice matching what you say, to how you behave, and to how you feel. When you say yes, mean yes. Emotional congruency will help you feel better and create trust and safety in your relationships.
4. Resist disguising your needs as complaints and blames. For instance, if you need some time to yourself, say, “I need to take a break this afternoon” rather than “You never watch the children.”
5. If you fight in front of the children, make up in front of the children. Modeling the process of how to disagree, repair and resolve is important in creating well-adapted adults.
6. Create coping skills rather than defensive skills. Coping skills will help to comfort you in situations that you can’t control.
7. No matter how angry you are, it is never okay to say mean things, physically hurt another, or withhold love.
8. Reassure your partner.
9. Forgive. It will make life more bearable.
10. When having difficult conversations, breathe, slow down and pay attention to both process and content.